Deliverance from not worrying.

This is the last of four blogs I wrote soon after my wife was diagnosed with cancer:

I have just spent the small hours of the morning not worrying. I wish I could have earned a dollar for every time I turned over in bed.

Just before dawn I fell asleep. But not before crying out to God for one last time – something along the lines of “help!”

When I woke up there was a phrase throbbing in my mind: “light up our way”. Then I realised that the darkness had lifted. The light of peace and faith had flooded into me while I slept. And God really was going to light up our way. But didn’t those words come from a song? They did - a Matt Redman song on his album 10 000 Reasons! So on my way back from dropping the kids at school, I played it in the car. Loudly! Here are the words:

Light up our way
You bring a brighter future
Light up our lives
Your love is like no other
We are going to shine
Now we are going to shine for You

We won't fear the night
We are looking straight ahead
Never turning back
Counting on Your faithfulness

O this God is our God even till the end
Standing strong over us, time and time again
Even till the end

We've walked through storms and
We have walked through sorrow
Still You won't let them steal away tomorrow
We are going to shine
Now we are going to shine for You

We leave the old behind
It will not define us, no
Yesterday is gone
Now anything is possible

[Chorus x4]
O this God is our God even till the end
Standing strong over us, time and time again
Even till the end

Jesus, You will always be our God
And we won't take our eyes off You
Jesus, You'll forever be the One
We'll have no other God but You
Jesus, You will always be our God
And we won't take our eyes off You
Jesus, You'll forever be the One
We'll have no other God but You

Because of Jesus, I will not fear the night. His love is like no other, so we’ll be looking straight ahead and counting on His faithfulness. God is standing tall over our lives, and we are going to shine for Him. We will shine for Him at the guesthouse, we will shine for Him in the clinic, we will shine for him at chemo, we will shine for Him on the plane – we are going to shine for Him, even till the end.

A Confidant of The Almighty!

Do you ever wonder why God appears to speak so clearly to other people about your own situation? In the early days it seemed like I was the only one who did not know God’s will for Gail and her cancer. To be honest, I did not know what to pray for and whether the course of treatment we were following was the right one. It was starting to get me down.

One morning, therefore, I strode into my office, closed the door and vowed to stay put until I had heard from God. So there!

In my office, I have this ESV Through-the-Bible- in-a-Year Bible. Each day of the year is marked in the margin, indicating which passages to read – an OT reading, a psalm, and a NT reading. This way, you get to read the OT once a year and the psalms and NT twice. I started early last year, and I am currently on September the 13^th! It’s a good thing my eternal security doesn’t rest on this.

Anyway, I decided to do what I usually do when I first sit down at my desk in the morning. So I picked up the ESV Bible and read the psalm. Then I turned to the OT reading, which was in proverbs ... chapters 3 and 4. The title of Chapter 3 jumped out at me: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart”. God had already been talking to me about trust through Psalm 84 (see my previous blog), so now He had my attention.

I began reading. I knew what was coming. Perhaps you do to. In verse 5 and 6 it says: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight”.

So I was on the right track. God had already been teaching me to trust Him in our situation. Further, my make-the-present-moment-count-for-God paradigm (previous blog) could be paraphrased “in all your ways acknowledge him”.

But I could see one more step that I needed to take, a step towards solving my original conundrum. I needed to begin seeing our situation through the lens of divine understanding. I would still be using my own “eyes”, but I would be looking through glasses provided by God.

But how could I enter God’s understanding of our situation – especially His specific understanding? Hmm ... I carried on reading. It wasn’t long before I found the answer in verse 32, which says that “[God] takes the upright into his confidence”. It would be hard to describe how these words touched me the moment I read them. God takes the upright into His confidence. He confides in the upright.

Now though I sin, in Christ I am upright. With His help, I walk without conscious rebellion, and I seek to acknowledge Him in all my ways. So God will take me into His confidence. And note that it is God who takes the action here. God will bring me into His confidence about our life and Gail’s cancer. And so He has, but that is another story.

Cheers for now  -Ian

Adjusting to the reality of cancer

Perhaps the most difficult thing about adjusting to a new reality is not knowing what the new reality is.

You may recall this comment from my last blog. I was talking about the fact that it took over three weeks of tests and consultations to get a better picture of what we were facing. So at the start, we did not know whether Gail would make it to Christmas. How does one cope with this sort of uncertainty? We knew our lives would be radically changed. But how would they be changed?

As a brief aside, my experience has many parallels to that of most Zimbabweans. We know that with the theft of the recent elections our reality has changed, but we have no idea what that reality will look like tomorrow, next week or next month.

Let us return to my testimony. I woke up the day after the news, and in reality, nothing had changed. Gail was functioning as she had done every morning for years. The children were with us at the breakfast table – as they had been every morning for years. It was business as usual. We had each other. We had ... today. Yes that was it, we had today, and we had each other.

At that point, it occurred to me that today is our only reality. Tomorrow is not reality. Tomorrow may never come. Further, my perception of tomorrow is an illusion. Tomorrow does not exist as my mind imagines it, for tomorrow will always be different to what I expect. But today is today. I live in the present moment of today, not in the past or in the future.

My wife could be taken from me, but what guarantee is there that I will be alive tomorrow – or both my children – or all my loved ones? Life is not safe. Jesus never said that it would be. Things can change in an instant and tomorrow may never come; therefore, loving God and loving others in the present moment is of infinite value. If it is important to hug my wife, let me do it today ... right away in fact! If it is important to complement my son, what am I waiting for! And why should I allow tomorrow to rob me of today? Tomorrow does not exist. But today does.

For these reasons, I could see that “today” was a precious gift and something that needed to be unwrapped with joy. But how could I make sure that nothing would spoil the gift?

Since the news broke about Gail’s cancer, I have noticed that the biggest spoiler of my today is fear of tomorrow. So when I began to fret about the severity of the cancer – something that might only be defined in a week’s time from the results of further tests– I would strangle the life out of those thoughts with focus on the present. I would ask myself, “what is the next step we need to take towards healing and wholeness for Gail?”, and then I would focus on taking that step. Or I would ask God, “What thing of importance and value do you want me to do now?” On occasion it was having coffee with Gail, enjoying the sounds of birdsong and the warmth of the sun. Sometimes it was holding hands in a doctor’s waiting room.

By seeking to honour God in the present, I was placing my trust in Him and putting Him in charge rather than fear.

Further, God reminded me repeatedly that whatever I chose to do with the gift of the present, it had to be motivated by love. Harshness and frustration are incubated in the womb of fear. And fear grows in the absence of trust. I so desperately did not want fear and stress to shape my decisions and the way I treated those close to me. Think about it. If today might be the last one you spend with your loved ones, why would you want to mess it up by treating them harshly? In this regard, God has been and continues to be faithful. His strength is perfected in my weakness.

So I have been reminded that love and making the present moment count for God is impossible with fear or worry at the controls. That is why God highlighted Psalm 84 and especially verse 11 in such an emphatic way (see my last blog). God is dependable and worthy of trust. He has my back. He is my sun and my shield. He shines the light of life and guidance. He provides. He protects. This is His responsibility and delight. My responsibility and delight is to trust Him. And what greater expression of trust could there be than loving and make the present moment count for God? I have my bad days I must admit. But I am a work in progress, and God is on my side. What a relief!

Cheers for now - Ian

Shocking News

To hear that one’s wife probably has cancer must count as just about the worst kind of news one can get. In her phone call, our GP said that Gail should anticipate chemo therapy, perhaps radiation therapy and possibly an operation later on.

So the 1^st of July 2013 was one of those days - one of those days when everything changes. Goodbye “normal” life! But what is a “normal” life anyway?

Adjusting to the new reality was difficult to say the least. Tears would well up every time I looked at Gail as I realised how much she meant to me. It was hard to remain composed whilst the kids were around. That night, over and over, I would be jerked awake as the words “Gail has cancer” bludgeoned my mind.

 Perhaps the most difficult thing about adjusting to a new reality is not knowing what the new reality is. It took over three weeks of tests, scans, biopsies, medical procedures and consultations before we even knew whether Gail would make it to Christmas; so controlling my mind that night became a no-holds-barred fight.

In the one corner of the ring were thoughts and images that seemed to come unbidden from nowhere. For example, I would see a picture in my mind’s eye of Katherine’s wedding with Gail missing.

In the other corner of the ring was Psalm 84. I call Psalm 84 my life psalm. I repeat it to myself and meditate on it to overcome fear. Psalm 84 is about trusting God during times of adversity. The psalmist reminds us that intimacy with God is the foundation of trust, that worship is the pathway to trust, and that God alone should be the focus of our trust.

So in the early hours of July 2^nd, I was reciting Psalm 84 over and over to myself. Often my meditation would be interrupted by sleep or fretful thoughts and tears, but I kept dragging my mind back to Psalm 84.

As time went on, one particular verse began to rise above the rest. It was as if this verse opened a portal to heaven allowing peace to flood into my being. “The Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favour and honour; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless”. God, like the sun, would be our source of light, life and supply; like a shield, He would be our protection. I would hold on to that and believe it no matter what.  Then at last, along with Horatio Spafford the famous hymn writer, I could say that peace like a river was attending my soul.

But God wasn’t finished with His encouragement. He never is! In Romans, Paul tells us that “through [Christ] we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand” (5:2). Reader, we are standing in a mighty waterfall of grace! “O the deep, deep love of Jesus, vast, unmeasured, boundless, free! Rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me! Underneath me, all around me, is the current of Thy love (S.T. Francis).” In the coming weeks, I intend to share with you the amazing provision and grace that we have experienced. But before I sign off, let me finish with this:

A few days after the news, a friend dropped off some goodies along with a packet of book marks for Gail. At the bottom of the packet there was a Bible reference: Psalm 84:11. Then another friend arrived with an early 20^th anniversary present for us. “I have written the verse from my Bible reading this morning in the card”, she said. It was Psalm 84:11.

And so a new chapter of our lives has begun. It has begun with the gracious provision and protection of God. And thus it will continue. Jesus said, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)".

We are living in a waterfall of grace and underneath us, all around us, is the current of God’s love. “The Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favour and honour; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless” (Psalm 84:11).

Cheers for now - Ian

Giving and the difference it makes

Last month, I didn’t give to God from my income. This month I did. What difference has it made?

Last month, I lacked peace. I was stressed about money. My income belonged to me, and I felt responsible for making it last till the end of the month. My trust was in the wrong place. Certainly, it was not in God. And the Bible says that God will keep in perfect peace the person “whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you” (Isaiah. 26:3).

Trust requires belief and action. The child who believes her daddy is dependable leaps into his arms.

Perhaps the best way to demonstrate my belief that God will supply my needs is to give back to him from my income. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why God expects us to give. And isn’t this honouring to God? By actively trusting Him, we declare His trustworthiness. Imagine how you would feel if you invited your toddler to leap into your arms and he refused?

In proverbs it says: “honour the Lord with your wealth and with the first fruits of your produce” (Proverbs 3:9). It makes sense. Giving affirms that my income comes from God and belongs to God. It declares that I trust God to provide for my needs. It is one way of saying: “my life belongs to you God”. Sounds honouring to me!

So this month I have enjoyed a peace that I didn’t enjoy last month. I have slept better. In fact, I’m feeling mildly exhilarated. Sounds good, hey?

Cheers for now - Ian

Echoes of Christmas

Can you believe that Christmas was just over three weeks ago - three weeks which seem to me like three geological periods let alone units of seven days?  But there is an echo of Christmas if I stop long enough to listen:

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counsellor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end. (Isaiah 9:6-7a)

This is a curious passage from a popular prophecy. You probably heard Isaiah 9:2-7 read out publicly at least once over the Christmas period.

I have a question: does it seem like the government of your country rests on the shoulders of Christ? It does not seem that way in my country...far from it.

And where is “the increase of his government and peace”? I don’t see it in Mali. I’m sure that if you read these verses to a Syrian, he would laugh derisively. Who knows what a grieving parent from Sandy Hook Elementary School would say.

It seems to me that the government mentioned in the prophecy refers to Christ’s government over the Kingdom of God (KoG). The KoG is not demarcated geographically. It is not bounded by rivers, mountain ranges, razor wire or mine fields. The KoG transcends borders, for its earthly territory is located in the heart of every person that follows Christ. Wherever a person prays “thy will be done”, Christ is enthroned as Lord, He is governing, and His Kingdom has come.

Having defined the government Isaiah is referring to, we must test our definition against the claim that “of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end”. Let us begin by applying this claim at the individual level. Is it true to say that Christ’s government over your life is increasing with time? Are you allowing Jesus to take greater and greater charge over your life from one year to the next? Are you slowly becoming a more peaceful person? I hope we can all join with Joyce Meyer in saying, “I’m not where I’m meant to be. But thank God I’m not where I used to be. I’m ok and I’m on my way”.

But peace and Jesus’ government must increase at a communal level. Jesus taught us to pray, “thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven”. This prayer is so important that Jesus put it near the start of His pattern for prayer, the Lord’s Prayer. God’s heavenly kingdom is manifest on earth in the hearts of those that pray this prayer, by those that want Jesus’ rule to 1) increase in their own lives and 2) be established in the lives of others.

God’s Kingdom must grow one heart at a time until the tipping point that triggers the return of Christ. Then – at last – the entire earth will ruled by Christ.

Sometimes, when I am feeling discouraged I turn to the book of Daniel where I read about Nebuchadnezzar’s dream and Daniel’s interpretation of it (Dan. 2). Nebuchadnezzar saw a rock which was not formed by human hands. The rock smashed into a statue representing earthly kingdoms, crushing them to dust that was swept away without a trace by the wind. Then the rock became a huge mountain that filled the whole earth. What did the rock represent? It represented the Kingdom of God on earth. Daniel said,

 "In the time of those kings, the God of heaven will set up a kingdom that will never be destroyed, nor will it be left to another people. It will crush all those kingdoms and bring them to an end, but it will itself endure forever. This is the meaning of the vision of the rock cut out of a mountain, but not by human hands-a rock that broke the iron, the bronze, the clay, the silver and the gold to pieces. "The great God has shown the king what will take place in the future. The dream is true and the interpretation is trustworthy." (Dan. 2:44-45)

We belong to this amazing Kingdom. We are called to extend the boundaries of this Kingdom. And in the words of a song by Tree 63: “There is a kingdom that cannot be shaken, a rock of ages, my firm foundation”.

I don’t know about you, but I want to play my part in extending God’s Kingdom in 2013. I want to see God’s governance over my own life increasing. I want to magnify the echo of Christmas, declaring the Good News by both word and action. Lord, please be my Wonderful Counsellor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father and Prince of Peace today. I need you to help me extend your Kingdom. Without you I can do nothing. And may the government of my life be on your shoulders.

Cheers for now - Ian

Playing on the wrong fairway

When I was still at school, I used to go and hack around the Police Golf Course with my friends. We would take a dollar each: 50 cents for 9 holes and 50 cents for a Brown Cow afterwards. For the un-initiated, a Brown Cow is a Coke Float – equal parts coke and milk with a dollop of ice cream floating on the top.

I have some interesting memories from those days. This one time, my mom arranged for me to play with the nephew of a lady from her prayer group. The young man in question was visiting from the UK. As we teed up for the first hole, two things happened: 1) I discovered that he was a scratch golfer and 2) it started to rain.

I was pretty nervous.

Adopting a slightly open stance and preparing to pronate my wrists – according to some advice I had read in a little book entitled ‘How to Play Golf’ – I began my down swing. Unfortunately the grip of the club was wet and it flew out of my hands like a helicopter, landing about 20m further than my ball.

Another memory I have is of playing on the wrong fairway. As far as I can recall, this happened the first time I played at Police, and though I drove off the No 3 tee box, I ended up playing on the No 5 fairway.

This reminds me of something Steven Covey said a few years ago: “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing”. I wonder how often we end up playing the game of life on the wrong fairway. I do it all the time. Suddenly, my Christian life is all about reading the Bible in a year or preaching like John Piper. Which fairway are you playing on? Has success in business become the most important thing in your life? Perhaps it is the approval of others?

But what is the main thing we need to keep the main thing in 2013?

In the middle of his teaching on spiritual gifts, Paul reminds the Corinthian church that to be motivated by love is the main thing (1 Corinthians 13). Without love, the gifts count for nothing. I would go so far as to say that without love, my life counts for nothing. Remember what Jesus said?

'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbour as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments. (Matt. 22:37-40).

I don’t know about you, but I want to be productive, I want be something special for God, and I hope to receive an eternal reward for the way I have lived my life. According to Paul, however:

·         Without love, my preaching is as productive as a yapping dog (1 Cor. 13:1).

·         Without love, I am nothing special (v2). In fact, if I want to be something special in the Kingdom of God, I must “be the very last and the servant of all” (Mk. 9:35). And isn’t this what love is all about, in humility valuing others above myself and not looking to my own interests but to the interests of others?

·         Without love, I fail to gain anything of eternal value (v3).

The main thing that we must keep the main thing in 2013 is to be motivated by love. Perhaps it would help to carry out what I call a “love audit”. Choose a time and a place where you won’t be interrupted and then invite the Holy Spirit to work with you as you read through verses 4 – 7 of 1 Corinthians 13. Substitute the word “love” with your own name and ask yourself whether what you are reading is true for you in the areas of family, work and church. Then meditate on 1 John 4:7-21.

Cheers for now - Ian