Why men should never ask for directions

Some years ago - and this is very hard for me to admit – I got lost. Yes, reader, it actually happened to me. I was driving my family from Durban airport to Umhlanga, and I knew where I was going, but due to some strange warp in the universe no matter where I turned we would end up at either the Millennium Bridge or a Shell garage close to Gateway Shopping Mall.

Finding myself crossing the Millennium Bridge for the millionth time, I executed a terrifying, high-speed-u-turn thinking that surely this would free us from our eternal ping-pong between the bridge and the Shell garage.

Shortly afterwards we pulled into the Shell garage.

“Dad, I think we’ve been here before. I recognise this Shell garage,” said Katherine. She really is the bravest child I know. Then Gail sweetly asked the dreaded question: “Love, don’t you think it would be a good idea to ask for directions?” 

Here’s why I don’t think it is a good idea for men to ask for directions: firstly, men are mentally incapable of remembering directions. By the time I have been told to “turn right at the tee junction, after which you will see a Nandos at three O’clock”, I have begun nodding my head sagely, but nothing, absolutely nothing, is registering in my mind. I learnt this skill in form 1 maths class with Mr Manley. Come to think of it, I did not need to learn the skill – it is a natural, male ability. Ask your wife and she will tell you of numerous occasions when she asked you to do something, but though you appeared to be listening, you definitely were not.

Now the problem with the male inability to absorb directions is the fact that women CAN remember directions. This fact might seem non-threatening, but believe me it is not. The implications of this small and seemingly innocuous fact are truly sinister. Because my wife can remember directions and I can’t, I am no longer in charge. She is in charge. So she gets to tell me where to go, and I must obey – unless I want another view of the not-so-impressive Umhlanga Millennium Bridge. Further, I have to trust someone else to get me to where I want to go.

A sermon by Scott Marques has helped me to see that this traumatic experience brings into focus two of my biggest problems with Christianity. To begin with, I do not like allowing anyone else to take charge, to tell me what to do. But Jesus said, “I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me (John 6:38)”. If Jesus did only the will of His Father, surely I must too.

So I struggle with the fact that Christianity is about letting God take charge. But there is more. Christianity is also about trust, and I battle to trust. When I am in charge, I need only trust myself. When Jesus is in charge, I must trust Him. In fact, the Bible says, “without faith it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6)”. 

So, God, help me to pray “your Kingdom come; your will be done” every day. And help me to mean it! And please help me to see that when Jesus is in charge and things are beyond my control so that I must trust Him, I am living in a way that pleases you.

Cheers for now - Ian