Aiming for perfection but expecting growth

Have you ever behaved in a way that leaves an after-taste of embarrassment and shame? I have in mind an incident from last week. On this particular occasion, I was on the offensive over a game of scrabble that I wasn’t even playing...  Can you believe it? The frustrating thing was that the target of my vitriolic attack graciously refused to argue, leaving me to rev in neutral for a few minutes. It was jolly indecent of him!

Jesus said that the mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart (Mat 12:34). Why, I wondered, was there so much aggression and frustration in my heart? It’s a good question, and I do have some answers. But knowing the answers is only part of the process of changing. Truth is we all have experiences that remind us we haven’t arrived yet. We aim for the perfection of Christ, but we fall short of it on a daily basis.

Over the years, I have spent time reflecting on how to handle the fallout from such incidents.  To be honest, I provide myself with lots of material to work on! I can tell you right now that self-flagellation (speaking metaphorically of course!) does not work. But there are some things that do work, the foremost of which is asking God for forgiveness. Yet I often punish myself first, turning to grace as a last resort. Why do we believe that a hefty dose of self derision will pay the price for our sins and put things right?

Then there is the matter of apologising to the person I have wronged. But I have discovered that whilst this is often necessary, many incidents of failure are far more obvious to me than others. If my sin against somebody is evident only to me, perhaps it will cause hurt or at the least mild perplexity if I approach that person for forgiveness.

Often, by the time I have decided that an apology is in order, and I have gathered up my courage to give one, the offended person has chosen to overlook the offence and has moved on. I hope that I am learning to extend grace and forgiveness in a similar way. Nevertheless, it is good to apologise as soon as one can. However, all of this assumes that we know when we have hurt someone.  But I wonder how often we wound people without even realising it.

In reality, perfection is impossible. With the best will in the world, we will continue to make mistakes until the day we die. And this brings me to the comforting thought that God does not expect perfection, just growth. Actually, in a legal sense, you have been declared perfect if you are in Christ. And God will forgive you for every sin if you ask him. Yet the fruit of being in Christ is growth. And if you cast your eyes back a year or two, you will realise that you are growing.

So when you fail, ask God for forgiveness, apologise when appropriate and then encourage yourself with the following quote by Joyce Meyers:  “I’m not where I need to be, but thank God I’m not where I used to be. I’m ok and I’m on my way”.

Cheers for now - Ian